Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
