and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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