it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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