so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
