New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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