I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
