While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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