Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
