Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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