you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
