My room smells like vodka and shame
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
