around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
