shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
