This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
