If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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