And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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