i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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