I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
