please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
