you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
