woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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