I should be sponsored by Trojan
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
