I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
