I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
