Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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