the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
