My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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