He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
