3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
