In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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