I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
