A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
