If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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