i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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