She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
