The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
