I just threw up on my dentist
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
