3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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