I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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