So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
