You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
