I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
