Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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