I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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