Can i not drive my cunt home
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
