you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
