I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The uberlube is also flammable
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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