You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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