I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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