he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
