You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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