Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
