she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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