I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
