She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
